Thanks for joining me!
Why Negative Space?
My name is Sunshine, with a site title like Negative Space this already sounds like the two oppose each other.
In 2016, I developed a condition after experiencing a seizure which has left me with New Persistent Daily Headache. This is a fancy way of saying that I have had a debilitating headache every day, 24 hours a day since July 5, 2016. My health journey started long before that.
Growing up I never knew how to explain my anxiety and depression to anyone let alone a doctor. I don’t remember a day where my Social Anxiety Disorder didn’t affect my life. I also don’t remember a time not feeling depressed. When I was 15, this all came to a head when after years of engaging in self-harm, I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward. Oddly enough, that was the first time I felt at home somewhere. That was the first time I knew people “like me”. At 16, in addition to my anxiety disorder and depression, I started to have visual and auditory hallucinations resulting in a new diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder. If you’ve ever experienced a mental illness, you know how isolating this experience is.
This was before the age of social media. This was before we had this incredible ability to spread information so easily to any part of the world. The past decade I have been on psychiatric medication to control my mental illnesses and this process has left me with painful memories and experiences. No one saw what I could see. No one felt the way I felt. I felt so alone in my experience. This resulted in several suicide attempts. The last of which resulted in hospitalization. Since then, I have had this mentality that I either really suck at killing myself, or I am here for a reason. I thought that if my story and experiences helped one person, then all of that was worth it. I always wanted someone “on the other side” so to speak, who could tell me “I’ve been where you’ve been, and you’re going to be ok”. As an adult, I have committed myself to spreading mental health awareness and education to be that person for someone else. This website, along with my YouTube channel and Patreon, are primarily focused on doing just that.
My NPDH has made me unable to work a regular job. I was pursuing my second degree in anthropology at the time when I had the seizure, and my life was effectively halted due to this new illness. My resurgence in my mental illnesses has also been largely affected by this as well. This resulted in this feeling of isolation once again. The positive side of this is that I can focus on my social media platforms to once again spread my message.
You are going to be ok.
So why “Negative Space”? This title may seem counter-intuitive. I wanted to create a community where if you’re feeling negative, you have space here. People often speak of loved ones who have passed as “always in our hearts”. While I believe this to be true, I also came to this realization that we leave a negative space in the hearts of the ones we leave. So, if you’re thinking of leaving, remember that negative space left in the hearts of your loved ones will never be full again. If it’s that thought alone that keeps you going for now, then I am so proud of you and your strength.
You have a space here.
Thank you for taking this time to read this short introduction. This website is going to be a blog where I share my experiences and tips for moving forward, as well as some how-to posts that I find helpful for just making life easier.
I also will let you know right away that I plan on monetizing this site using affiliate links and other forms of ads here and there. If that’s annoying, I totally get it and I apologize in advance. I always want to be transparent with you all, and I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t address that here and now.
So again, Welcome to Negative Space. You are going to be okay.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton